Y’know what, today is probably one of the worst days of this year. I lost one my biases, Kim Jonghyun from SHINee. I’ve loved him for quite a long time since I discovered SHINee when they debuted. According to the news, he decided to take his own life by inhaling carbon monoxide from burning coal briquettes in a frying pan. I’m not even overreacting. This really ruined my peaceful afternoon, I’m having a quite bad migraine even if I’ve swallowed 2 pills of red panadol. My heart has severely broken, too. Let alone his relatives, fellow SHINee members, colleagues, and dedicated fans.
I really loved his voice, he sounds really amazing. One of the best from Korean entertainment industry. His voice never fails me. He’s really handsome, has a seemingly bright personality, really good at dancing. I remember him speaking up for LGBT community, too. He’s amazing for that too since South Korea more or less still have quite a bad opinion about LGBT related issues. He used to be quite muscular and he’s gotten skinny and skinnier. I was quite worried but I thought he was just too busy or maybe dieting. But no, maybe he’s always been fighting the demon inside himself, the depression. I don’t even know where did people hear of him being depressed. We’ll never know unless he himself told us so, but he couldn’t even tell us anymore.
Maybe he’s been suffering for so long, but we’all have no idea up until today when he decided to go.
Oh gosh, I can’t even go to twitter without feeling heartbroken and feeling the urge to cry. I’ve cried quite often today since I found out of his death.
Non-K-pop fans right now must be thinking that I’m outta my head and crying for some people who don’t even know me. First of all, I know full well that he’s just an idol, and I don’t know him personally, but his voice and his songs have made the way to my life and heart. I’ll never forget him as my most favourite SHINee member. His smile was lovely, I know I still loved him when my friend broke the news for me and I had my heart broken.
Dear Jonghyun, you’ve done great, I’m sure your songs, your voice, your existence have helped, inspired, loved by, so many people in the world and that’s all that matters. I’ve never gotten to see you in real life, but maybe we’ll meet someday in another world?
I really wish this was a nightmare and when I woke up, I’ll go to your Instagram to find that you’ve posted a selfie of you with your members or family, smiling genuinely, or maybe you’re enjoying your lunch by yourself and not more of your death news.
This is really devastating. He's only young, 28 years old Korean age, 27 years old International age. Only 4 years older than me but you’re gone already.
I really hope this is the best for him. maybe for him, this was the only solution for all his problems and maybe his emotional pain. I won’t judge him for doing what he did, like who am I to judge. I’ll just continue my life with “one of my favourite idols has gone but maybe he’s in a much better place than this filthy and disgusting world” in my mind.
This tragedy has once again reminded me that no matter how happy-looking, rich, or famous a people is, that doesn’t mean they’re not suffering inside. Stop judging and start listening to people who are trying to tell you that something is bothering or burdening them. You will never know that maybe they’re trying to get a help from you since they trusted you enough to open up. Stop telling people to suck it up, “life’s hard, you’re not the only one who suffering!”, because those words are not helping. At least try to listen to them, because maybe a listener is the only thing they needed.
I’m offering my deepest condolences to Jonghyun’s relatives, beloved members, friends, and fans. Goodbye Kim Jonghyun,
see you in the other world someday, I’ll always love you.
Update 12/19
So many people said that Jonghyun was diagnosed with the seasonal affective disorder.
I don't want to be someone who's cocky enough to say that I feel his pain because frankly speaking unless I've been in his shoes, being an idol, in that spotlight for 10 years, working hard every single day in my life, only I could understand his pain. But I'm no idol, I've never been in the spotlight, never done so much work like him. I only can say that it must've been so hard for you. Rest well, your death may spark more talk about the suicide of depression, people will learn the hard way to take mental health even more seriously.
It's just, my tiny heart keep on saying that 'but you don't have to do this, you can just stop being an idol, live a happy life with your loved ones, don't worry about your fans, you can be happy however you wanted' but it's too late. I really wish I was just having a severely bad nightmare and I’ll wake up this morning to find out that everything’s fine. But no, nothing’s fine. Everything’s broken and the pieces could never be put together again. Jonghyun's no longer in this world and I'll never forget this tragedy.
Please, if you've ever the suicidal thoughts, talk to your closest relatives, friends, your loved ones, if they can't understand or shrug you off, you can come to the Internet, twitter, so many people will accept you, listen to you. You can personally contact me through my Facebook, please, just don't take your own life because life's sometimes can be the shittiest part of being alive, but life can be beautiful too, y'know. Give it a chance.
Update 12/19
So many people said that Jonghyun was diagnosed with the seasonal affective disorder.
Seasonal affective disorder (SAD), also called winter depression, winter blues, summer depression, and seasonal depression, is a mood disorder subset in which people who have normal mental health throughout most of the year exhibit depressive symptoms at the same time each year, most commonly in the winter. crHe also left a letter for his friend, Dear Cloud's Nine9, that talked about how the depression has damaged him from the inside. He hated himself, he felt like he was alone, he wanted to run away from living. It is said that he did go to see a doctor, but the doctor was not very helpful. He kept on asking why he must stay alive, "people just live" was the answer he got. He kept on losing his memories, the doctor said that it's because of his personality. He felt like being known for an idol like he was, not meant for him. The doctor said he suffered because he chose that way of life. Lastly, he just wanted people to say that he has worked hard and he knew that he really did work hard. cr
I don't want to be someone who's cocky enough to say that I feel his pain because frankly speaking unless I've been in his shoes, being an idol, in that spotlight for 10 years, working hard every single day in my life, only I could understand his pain. But I'm no idol, I've never been in the spotlight, never done so much work like him. I only can say that it must've been so hard for you. Rest well, your death may spark more talk about the suicide of depression, people will learn the hard way to take mental health even more seriously.
It's just, my tiny heart keep on saying that 'but you don't have to do this, you can just stop being an idol, live a happy life with your loved ones, don't worry about your fans, you can be happy however you wanted' but it's too late. I really wish I was just having a severely bad nightmare and I’ll wake up this morning to find out that everything’s fine. But no, nothing’s fine. Everything’s broken and the pieces could never be put together again. Jonghyun's no longer in this world and I'll never forget this tragedy.
Please, if you've ever the suicidal thoughts, talk to your closest relatives, friends, your loved ones, if they can't understand or shrug you off, you can come to the Internet, twitter, so many people will accept you, listen to you. You can personally contact me through my Facebook, please, just don't take your own life because life's sometimes can be the shittiest part of being alive, but life can be beautiful too, y'know. Give it a chance.
